I appreciate the different perspectives, and perceptions, you shared. I’ve been a fan as well, although something came up recently that I hope you’ll take into consideration.
The original concept of Let Them was created from a poem and movement by Cassie Phillips.
It’s been weighing on many who knew that she wrote ‘Let Them’ and then ‘Let Me’ and first had it tattooed on her arm BEFORE Mel wrote the book. Cassie hasn’t been given credit, and I believe it’s worthwhile doing your due diligence with this.
Mel has some great content for sure I’ve been a fan for some time too, but the whole timeline and Mel trying to trademark ‘Let Them’, and being denied - where the reason cited was Cassie’s viral poems … well it’s left me wondering. A Lot. I hope she finds it in herself to reflect and mentioning Cassie at some point.
I’d appreciate it if you would look into it. And give Cassie credit if it feels right.
You are not the first to recommend I look into Cassie, and I have. She definitely gets full credit for the concepts of let them and let me. She has a new fan here! Thank you.
Thanks. Will you revise and credit her in your article? That would be an appreciated acknowledgement as well for Cassie. I’m grateful for your consideration.
So, in retrospect to your article - My Mother-In-Law order the book "The Let Them Theory - The Innovative Tool that People everywhere are Raving About" from Amazon about a month ago - I believe she thought she was ordering Mel Robbins "The Let Them Theory - "A Life Changing Tool that Millions of People Can't stop Talking About" book. However, when her book arrived, I noticed that the author of the 1st titled book is by Sheldon Dashner, not Mel Robbins. It has the same exact cover as Mel Robbin's book, the only exception is the change of wording at the very top of the book cover. - The copyright date goes back to 1976 on Sheldon Dashner's book. Mel's is 2024. So, I am now convinced that Mel Robbins might have plagiarized Mr. Dashner's Book. Something I believe should be looked into and investigated, especially now that everyone thinks she plagiarized Cassie Phillips poem. What a Crazy World we live in. And I was just becoming a fan of Mel Robbins
I've never been a fan of self-help books, but my book club just chose this book to read. Now, when our democracy is under attack by malign actors, it just feels disconnected from reality to be discussing the concept of "just let people be who they are" because that's out of your control.
I did read the let them theory and by the end of it, thought the book was doing a good job of helping people stay assertive. It did this while encouraging dialog and mutual respect in interpersonal relationships, essentially keeping people in the healthy zone of the passive agressive-assertive-agressive continuum.
The "let them" part acts like a checkpoint that stops a person from going into their snap reactions, and the "let me" part I feel allows the pre-frontal cortex to activate and think about why a person may be doing what they are doing, and to move onto more constructive action Instead of just reacting on instinct. Essentially, choosing a fork in the road towards a more conscious reaction they they wouldn't have seen had they not stopped at the checkpoint.
But if anyone who just reads the first part of the book and just "let's them" without everything that follows is in for a rough ride!
That makes perfect sense, Kyle. And as you might guess, I really don’t have a problem with let them as a concept. It is the oversimplification of some more complicated concepts, as well as the reliance on unreliable science! Overall, Mel Robbins is the best! Thanks for your thoughts here.
For people like me who feel we got a lot out of the "let them" theory, what are we missing out on? What should we read or talk to our therapists about?
You had me going there.John- I have the book, I’m in 15 pages or so. My general theory about ANY theory or book is “take what you want and leave the rest”. Discernment, critical thinking …. May we all learn to practice those skills!
This was a great read John very engaging and insightful. I like how you explained the confirmation bias and how often this is used to support a theory or idea. It’s funny, I could very much relate to what you wrote. I haven’t met Mel personally, but I love Mel Robbins and her passion. I want to read her book too, but I was having some conflicting feelings. My theory is that she took some of her ideas and personal interests (and as she is a motivational speaker) repackaged them into a message to get people to change. I believe it’s based on good intentions. I also know that when I listen and read her work, she likes to promote her areas of interest. She highlights the research that supports it. She questions the other side, but sometimes it feels like courtesy nod. Thank you for highlighting points about the variables and limitations in psychology research. And further how sometimes it isn’t good to just “let them” when people abuse boundaries, bully others or even do harm. In today’s world, I’d like to write a book called “Stop them”. I cringe at the idea people may reductively use Mel’s catch phrase to let people do whatever they want to do. But all kidding aside, I’m encouraged to see people reading her book and to understand the concept of “let them.” It’s certainly one I use in my practice. We are not responsible for what other people think or how they feel. I hope the people pleasers of the world read it. I want to see her book in every one of their hands. Hopefully, they will find some inner peace. For the rest of us, I believe we need to ride the middle line and speak up when things are wrong or harmful.
Love this JD. Yep me too. Love Mel. I’m all for detachment and it’s great for recovering codependents, but the disclaimer is that it doesn’t work well with anyone who is dealing with abusive dynamics or unresolved trauma. We live in a world that wants to simplify everything. And sometimes things aren’t simple.
Thank you for sharing this. It sums up the same conclusions I came to after reading Chapter 7: When Adults Throw Tantrums. Some of the sentiments in that chapter came seemingly out of nowhere, and hit much harder than expected!
I do wonder where the ‘healthy’ line between reaching out to others in times of need (and to share life with?) and ranting at others lies -amongst other things. So far the book has been very engaging, however, I’m querying whether such an introspective approach could do more harm than good in the context of abuse victims.
I'm not a fan of Mel Robbins. Completely ignores the truth that not all people have another's best interest at heart. Cheap, bestseller hype only of for the few thrown off by a Bianca Censori walking around in public half naked. I truly do not care about this. So, I let her. But not the NPD abuser parent, the rapist...
You sound ambivalent about "Let them," but maybe I should "let you." haha. I have a "son," not my biological son, and also patients. Someone below wrote about "stop them," which is very funny. Now that we are in political situation in which "let them" let them take us down a road that led right to right-wing post truth authoritarianism, maybe we should be more dialectical. After all, we DO have a superego, and it doesnt let anyone and it's not always conscious, no?
"There really is no good psychology research, okay?" I appreciate your advisor's take. As an attorney who started reading psychology research about 6 years ago on the regular,
I immediately understood the dilemma. I started by reading the research on emotions, emotion theory, and emotional intelligence and realized how flawed any "data" would be.
Thank you John! I had the pleasure of listening to Mel‘s interview with Jay Shetty (On purpose with Jay Shetty) this week. Mel was pretty clear that the concept is “ let them” and THEN “ let me”. It’s a great conversation. The gist is; I can let you repeat behavior, but I have agency in any given situation to respond.
If negative behavior continues, then you are showing me your truth.
The conversation is very insightful in my humble opinion 😃
I appreciate the different perspectives, and perceptions, you shared. I’ve been a fan as well, although something came up recently that I hope you’ll take into consideration.
The original concept of Let Them was created from a poem and movement by Cassie Phillips.
It’s been weighing on many who knew that she wrote ‘Let Them’ and then ‘Let Me’ and first had it tattooed on her arm BEFORE Mel wrote the book. Cassie hasn’t been given credit, and I believe it’s worthwhile doing your due diligence with this.
Mel has some great content for sure I’ve been a fan for some time too, but the whole timeline and Mel trying to trademark ‘Let Them’, and being denied - where the reason cited was Cassie’s viral poems … well it’s left me wondering. A Lot. I hope she finds it in herself to reflect and mentioning Cassie at some point.
I’d appreciate it if you would look into it. And give Cassie credit if it feels right.
Thanks.
You are not the first to recommend I look into Cassie, and I have. She definitely gets full credit for the concepts of let them and let me. She has a new fan here! Thank you.
Thanks. Will you revise and credit her in your article? That would be an appreciated acknowledgement as well for Cassie. I’m grateful for your consideration.
So, in retrospect to your article - My Mother-In-Law order the book "The Let Them Theory - The Innovative Tool that People everywhere are Raving About" from Amazon about a month ago - I believe she thought she was ordering Mel Robbins "The Let Them Theory - "A Life Changing Tool that Millions of People Can't stop Talking About" book. However, when her book arrived, I noticed that the author of the 1st titled book is by Sheldon Dashner, not Mel Robbins. It has the same exact cover as Mel Robbin's book, the only exception is the change of wording at the very top of the book cover. - The copyright date goes back to 1976 on Sheldon Dashner's book. Mel's is 2024. So, I am now convinced that Mel Robbins might have plagiarized Mr. Dashner's Book. Something I believe should be looked into and investigated, especially now that everyone thinks she plagiarized Cassie Phillips poem. What a Crazy World we live in. And I was just becoming a fan of Mel Robbins
Wow, Mary. I’ve heard about some serious issues with Mel’s book, even about plagiarism. But this is unbelievable! Researching….
Thanks Mr. Duffy - let me know what you come up with, I am very interested.
Absolutely!
I've never been a fan of self-help books, but my book club just chose this book to read. Now, when our democracy is under attack by malign actors, it just feels disconnected from reality to be discussing the concept of "just let people be who they are" because that's out of your control.
Yes, this totally tracks with me as well, Chris. Let them?!?! Absolutely not, especially not now!
Thank you for this post.
I did read the let them theory and by the end of it, thought the book was doing a good job of helping people stay assertive. It did this while encouraging dialog and mutual respect in interpersonal relationships, essentially keeping people in the healthy zone of the passive agressive-assertive-agressive continuum.
The "let them" part acts like a checkpoint that stops a person from going into their snap reactions, and the "let me" part I feel allows the pre-frontal cortex to activate and think about why a person may be doing what they are doing, and to move onto more constructive action Instead of just reacting on instinct. Essentially, choosing a fork in the road towards a more conscious reaction they they wouldn't have seen had they not stopped at the checkpoint.
But if anyone who just reads the first part of the book and just "let's them" without everything that follows is in for a rough ride!
That makes perfect sense, Kyle. And as you might guess, I really don’t have a problem with let them as a concept. It is the oversimplification of some more complicated concepts, as well as the reliance on unreliable science! Overall, Mel Robbins is the best! Thanks for your thoughts here.
For people like me who feel we got a lot out of the "let them" theory, what are we missing out on? What should we read or talk to our therapists about?
Boundaries. “No”. “Let Them”. When these become barriers to communication, when they become weapons, they’ve lost their value.
Absolutely true
You had me going there.John- I have the book, I’m in 15 pages or so. My general theory about ANY theory or book is “take what you want and leave the rest”. Discernment, critical thinking …. May we all learn to practice those skills!
And if we can, then we can digest this wisdom with the care it deserves - thanks, Michelle!
This was a great read John very engaging and insightful. I like how you explained the confirmation bias and how often this is used to support a theory or idea. It’s funny, I could very much relate to what you wrote. I haven’t met Mel personally, but I love Mel Robbins and her passion. I want to read her book too, but I was having some conflicting feelings. My theory is that she took some of her ideas and personal interests (and as she is a motivational speaker) repackaged them into a message to get people to change. I believe it’s based on good intentions. I also know that when I listen and read her work, she likes to promote her areas of interest. She highlights the research that supports it. She questions the other side, but sometimes it feels like courtesy nod. Thank you for highlighting points about the variables and limitations in psychology research. And further how sometimes it isn’t good to just “let them” when people abuse boundaries, bully others or even do harm. In today’s world, I’d like to write a book called “Stop them”. I cringe at the idea people may reductively use Mel’s catch phrase to let people do whatever they want to do. But all kidding aside, I’m encouraged to see people reading her book and to understand the concept of “let them.” It’s certainly one I use in my practice. We are not responsible for what other people think or how they feel. I hope the people pleasers of the world read it. I want to see her book in every one of their hands. Hopefully, they will find some inner peace. For the rest of us, I believe we need to ride the middle line and speak up when things are wrong or harmful.
Really incite thoughts, Tiffany. I agree completely. On the whole, however, I find Mel Robin to be a strong net positive in the culture.
Don’t know if it was your intention, but that made me laugh out loud.
Love this JD. Yep me too. Love Mel. I’m all for detachment and it’s great for recovering codependents, but the disclaimer is that it doesn’t work well with anyone who is dealing with abusive dynamics or unresolved trauma. We live in a world that wants to simplify everything. And sometimes things aren’t simple.
This could not be more important, Shayne! Without this disclaimer, the advice can be, frankly, lethal.
Thank you for sharing this. It sums up the same conclusions I came to after reading Chapter 7: When Adults Throw Tantrums. Some of the sentiments in that chapter came seemingly out of nowhere, and hit much harder than expected!
I do wonder where the ‘healthy’ line between reaching out to others in times of need (and to share life with?) and ranting at others lies -amongst other things. So far the book has been very engaging, however, I’m querying whether such an introspective approach could do more harm than good in the context of abuse victims.
yes, so true
I'm not a fan of Mel Robbins. Completely ignores the truth that not all people have another's best interest at heart. Cheap, bestseller hype only of for the few thrown off by a Bianca Censori walking around in public half naked. I truly do not care about this. So, I let her. But not the NPD abuser parent, the rapist...
You sound ambivalent about "Let them," but maybe I should "let you." haha. I have a "son," not my biological son, and also patients. Someone below wrote about "stop them," which is very funny. Now that we are in political situation in which "let them" let them take us down a road that led right to right-wing post truth authoritarianism, maybe we should be more dialectical. After all, we DO have a superego, and it doesnt let anyone and it's not always conscious, no?
"There really is no good psychology research, okay?" I appreciate your advisor's take. As an attorney who started reading psychology research about 6 years ago on the regular,
I immediately understood the dilemma. I started by reading the research on emotions, emotion theory, and emotional intelligence and realized how flawed any "data" would be.
It was a rough but important lesson for sure. And he did teach me to be discerning and critical all the time. Thanks for reading, Ann!
Thank you John! I had the pleasure of listening to Mel‘s interview with Jay Shetty (On purpose with Jay Shetty) this week. Mel was pretty clear that the concept is “ let them” and THEN “ let me”. It’s a great conversation. The gist is; I can let you repeat behavior, but I have agency in any given situation to respond.
If negative behavior continues, then you are showing me your truth.
The conversation is very insightful in my humble opinion 😃
Oh, that’s a great addendum to Let Them. I’ll look for that interview - love them both! Thank you, Alison!