A new wave of hope for our kids

It’s been a crazy day at work so far. I definitely do not have time to write this Substack.

But I would be flat-out remiss if I didn’t comment on what’s been going on in the therapy room over the past couple of weeks. If you could draw a curve depicting the overall affect expressed in this room, and superimpose it over a curve reflecting political headlines, I think you’d see an interesting correlation.

Let’s start with the girls and young women I’ve been working with. Like any week in the therapy office, these past few have been tough for them. They’ve experienced depression and anxiety and relationship issues. This is hard work at the best of times.

But I’ve noticed a fresh gleam in most of those female eyes, and it’s not subtle. It’s not a hint of hope, but a full beaming, sunny ray. I’m finding that I don’t have to dig very deep for the reason. It began a couple of weeks ago when Kamala Harris became the presumptive Democratic candidate for President. It continues up to this day, as they celebrate the naming of Governor Tim Walz from Minnesota as her Vice Presidential running mate.

Some of these girls have been very verbal about it.

“We’re finally gonna have our first female President.”

“There’s a chance we’ll regain control over our bodies.”

“This is crazy! I’m not used to feeling hope.”

“I actually may bring a kid into this world after all.”

Overall, the vibe has been this: we may have a brilliant, strong, experienced, kind, fun and humane woman in the White House. We may not have to worry for the next four years.

In the era of Taylor Swift and Caitlin Clark and Simone Biles, I don’t mind adding a President to the female wave we’re in the midst of.

The boys and young men I’m working with are reacting a little bit differently. Like my female clients, these guys are also dealing with an awful lot in their lives. Loneliness, inertia, excessive weed use, sadness and anxiety rule a lot of their lives. And too many of the boys I know feel outcast and disappointed with their lot in life. For those whose affect was flat a month ago, it remains pretty flat.

Some blame girls and women for that. Others, the Joe Rogan and Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate enthusiasts, have been indoctrinated to believe that boys and men (especially white boys and men) are losing ground. They express bitterness and disdain around politics and women, certain that whatever the outcome, something is going to be taken from them. Their sense of anger and hopelessness has not lifted.

It’s amplified.

Most of them tell me they by-and-large like Trump, but typically not because of any policy or stand that he takes. They think he tells it like it is. He’s strong. He’s funny. That photo after he was shot is epic. His mug shot, even more so.

Alpha. Gangster.

Character, empathy and joy don’t come up.

I sat across from a young, sad teenage boy yesterday who highlighted the fact that he’s never known a political landscape in which ugliness and vitriol were not front-and-center. Trump has been a part of every election he remembers.

Now, consider Walz for a moment. He embodies, by most every account I’ve heard or read, the antithesis of toxic masculinity. He’s a dude’s dude, for sure. Former military. Can fix the car, dad-style. Coached football. Taught high school. Family guy. Shamelessly proud, fun dad.  He’s apparently a damn good shot.

And he’s kind and compassionate and humane at the same time.

This guy is the invitation to kindness and civility our young guys need.

We could do worse than Tim Walz as our new poster man for masculinity.

The juxtaposition between the genders is an important one. I don’t know what’s gonna happen in November, though if you’ve been reading my Substack, you probably have some idea what I’d like to see.

I want our young people, all of them, to feel hopeful and joyful and excited about their futures. I want them to feel like they have agency over their choices and their bodies, female and male; black, white, or otherwise; straight, gay, transgender. I want our kids to feel safe, that their country has their backs and is there for them and their future successes as well as their struggles.

I also want them to follow models of people that care about one another. The vibes here matter, believe me. Policy is important, crucial. But in these emotionally wrought, psychologically draining days, so is the vibe.

And let’s be honest, this Harris-Walz ticket? It’s a vibe man. Their rallies are celebrations. They’re undeniably joyful.

Our kids have had precious little of any of that in their lives, and in the politics they’ve witnessed. When I talk to parents about what qualities they’re looking to inspire in their children, empathy and character tend to rise to the top of the list. And in our politics, we’ve shown them precious little of either over the course of their lifetimes thus far. And I think we are in the unexpected midst of a rare opportunity to shift that vibe dramatically, right now.

And I think it’s a vibe we need. It’s a vibe our young people need. Our girls are already leaning into it. I shudder to think about the disappointment they’ll feel if this ticket doesn’t win.

I don’t want those referrals.

But right now, our girls are stronger, more resilient and adaptable.

Instead, it’s our boys and young men I’m worried about. They are disengaged, bitter and disheartened. As result, they are opting out of engagement in their lives in alarming numbers. I may be hopelessly optimistic here, but I want that joy and inclusion to become a part of that new definition of masculinity more along the lines of Walz, an overtly kind man, a former high school teacher, state-winning football coach and head of the school’s gay/straight alliance.

Pretty cool dude.

These boys have grown up under the cloud of all of the negativity, name-calling, selfishness, and bile that has marked our political discourse. They deserve to be exposed to another way. They may not know they need that change, but I think we do. Anne Lamont recently wrote, “It’s kind of unsettling at first, all this joy and kindheartedness.”

And it is.

But let’s see if we can acclimate our kids, our boys in particular, to a new world order. A joyful, kindhearted, light-hearted, fully functional country.

So get out there and vote. Vote your conscience. Consider what you think is right for the country, for yourselves, for the economy, for America’s place on the world stage. But let part of that consideration be the well-being of our young people.

It’s so important right now that we infuse hope and joy into the fabric of the lives of our kids, especially our boys and young men. Over the past few weeks, I feel that this election provides a unique, perhaps once-in-a-lifetime, opportunity to do that.

Our kids, our boys in particular, need to feel less lonely and less angry and less helpless. They need to feel like they are part of something that moves their lives forward. They need to engage.

So come on. Let’s give them a reason.

Fire up. Get engaged.

Vote.